


Fear Dictates; Love Rules

by Aria_Lerendeair



Series: Aria's SH Bingo Fics 2020 - 2021 [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Is A Planner, Alec Lightwood is That Nice Thing, Angst, Breakup Fix It, Communication, Episode Fix-it, Fear, Insecurities, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Bane Is A Good Leader, Ragnor Fell is not dead, Ragnor Talks Sense Into Magnus, Ragnor is sleepy and Done, This breakup was STUPID and so I fix it!, episode 2.18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-21 23:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30029820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair
Summary: Magnus has just broken up with the man he loves, because he has to put his people first.  He has to.Ragnor doesn't hesitate to remind him that the course of love rarely runs smooth, and that he might have let his fear get the best of him.Thankfully, love perseveres, as it should.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Ragnor Fell, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Aria's SH Bingo Fics 2020 - 2021 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2207280
Comments: 71
Kudos: 365





	Fear Dictates; Love Rules

**Author's Note:**

> So I've done a whole bunch of fix-it fics for the breakup in Season 3, but I realized I hadn't done one for the Season 2 breakup, so, darn it, IT WAS HIGH TIME. 
> 
> Also Ragnor's nickname for Magnus is carrot, in French.

Stepping out of the Institute, Magnus clenched his eyes shut and started to walk. He could still see the shocked devastation on Alec's face every time he blinked, and, and dammit, it wasn't his fault. Alec had pushed him into this, had pushed him to make this impossible choice by lying, by hiding the information about the Soul Sword. It didn't matter how he felt, how they _both_ felt. If he couldn't trust Alec to tell him the truth, then how could he ever trust Alec to tell the truth in their relationship at all? How long would Alec be able to lie to him? Camille had lied to him for decades, and he wasn't, he couldn't do that again, no matter how much it hurt to leave him now.   


  
Magnus summoned a portal, but the magic flickered around his fingers, and he growled, dissipating it with a wave of his hand. No point in trying to take a portal if he was going to end up in the middle of the Sahara because he couldn't concentrate for more than a handful of seconds. He blew out a hard breath and started to walk, pulling out his phone. He closed his eyes and there was Alec's face again, the widened watery eyes, the shocked call of his name, pleading with him not to go, that it would be okay...

  
Magnus hit dial on his phone, lifting it to his ear as he lengthened his strides, brushing past the mundanes, keeping a glamour up as he headed for Brooklyn. The walk would do wonders for clearing his mind of Alexander's expression. When he got back, he would clean out Alec's things, and send them back, and then-

  
"Magnus? What's wrong, why are you calling me?" Ragnor asked, his voice rough and grumpy. "Do you have _any_ idea what time it is?" 

  
Magnus looked up at the night sky, swallowing hard, realizing just how late it had to be for Ragnor. Fuck, he was normally much more considerate than that, he hadn't even thought of what time it would be, he had just wanted to hear Ragnor's voice, wanted to hear someone tell him it was going to be okay, that _he_ was going to be okay. Even though his heart felt like it was shattering into smaller pieces with every step he took away from the Institute. 

  
Ragnor's voice softened. "Magnus?" 

  
Magnus shook himself and snapped back to attention. That was Ragnor's actual worried voice. "I'm, no. Not fine. I'm..." he pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it. Why had he called Ragnor? He could have called anyone who would have come to commiserate with him, but Ragnor knew these shadowhunters, knew their people, he would understand. He had to understand and would tell Magnus it was okay, that it was all right. That he'd made the right decision to protect his people and-

  
"Magnus, you're not making any sense. Tell me what's wrong," Ragnor ordered. "Is something wrong with your boy?" 

  
The mention of Alec brought the memory of Alec's devastated face and Magnus froze in the middle of a crowd of mundanes. They melted around him, unable to touch him, but he couldn't move, couldn't _breathe._ "I broke up with Alexander," he said. Now that the words had been said out loud, they were even more devastating. 

  
"You what?" Ragnor frowned into the phone. "Why in Lilith’s name would you do something like that?" 

  
Magnus opened his mouth and snapped it shut, gritting his teeth together. Stepping out of the crowd of mundanes, he summoned a portal, properly this time, into his loft and stepped through. He wasn't about to have this conversation where any downworlder could hear him. "He lied to me," he said, sinking into a chair, his voice hitching. "He _lied._ Directly to my face, Ragnor." 

  
"Now, admittedly, I haven't met this shadowhunter of yours yet, but from everything you've told me about him, that seems to be very uncharacteristic," Ragnor said. "Why don't you tell me what's actually going on, Magnus?" 

  
"The Clave doesn't have the Soul Sword anymore," Magnus said, staring at the ceiling. "With Valentine on the loose, you know what could happen."   


  
Ragnor was silent. “Are you at home?” 

  
Magnus sighed. “Of course.” The sound of a portal an instant later had him lifting his head off the back of the chair to look at Ragnor before he sagged back into the cushions of his chair. Maybe Ragnor would help him collect all of Alexander’s things so he didn’t have to do it alone and send them back. 

  
Ragnor stopped in front of him and crossed his arms over his chest. **“Explain,”** he ordered. “How long had he known? When did you find out?” 

  
Magnus closed his eyes and let out another gusty sigh. “I found out two hours ago. Alec, he,” he swallowed, fighting down the reminder of Alec’s tear-filled and shock-wide eyes. “He found out this morning. So maybe seven, eight hours ago.” 

  
Ragnor blinked and uncrossed his arms. _“What?”_

  
Magnus forced himself upright, blinking hard, pushing past Ragnor to reach for his drink cart, grabbing a glass with trembling fingers, wrapping his other hand around a bottle of whiskey, when Ragnor’s hand stopped him. “Ragnor-” 

  
“Magnus,” Ragnor said, his voice soft. “Think about what you just said to me for a few minutes. _Really_ think about it.” 

  
Magnus glared at Ragnor. “I saw him earlier in the day, he had a chance to tell me, he could have told me, could have  _ warned  _ me, and now…” his voice cracked and he clenched his hand tighter around the bottle. 

  
“My dear carotte, take a deep breath,” Ragnor ordered, releasing his hand from Magnus’ on the whiskey bottle. “Take a moment for yourself.” 

  
“We don’t have a moment!” Magnus snapped, his eyes frantic as he whirled towards Ragnor. “We have to warn everyone, we have to make a plan, I have to make a plan, I have to protect my people…” he trailed off, swallowing hard, remembering those words when he’d whispered them to Alec, had watched them land, the  _ agony  _ that had flickered across Alec’s face. 

  
Ragnor snorted and pulled Magnus away from the drink cart. “You are in no state to help anyone, not even yourself, Magnus.” 

  
Magnus glared at his best friend. 

  
“Don’t you glare at me like the petulant child you’re acting like,” Ragnor shot back, meeting his eyes head-on. “You need to rationally think about the last twelve hours and what you just told me, or you need someone to do it for you.” He pushed Magnus back into his comfy chair, watching as he sprawled in shock. “And since you are insisting on being heartbroken and irrational all at once, it’s falling to me.” 

  
“Ragnor-” 

  
_**“Magnus,”**_ Ragnor growled, magic glowing around his hands as he summoned a chair for himself to sit directly across from Magnus. “Sit down and listen, or I will  _ make _ you listen.” 

  
Magnus snapped his mouth shut. 

  
“Now,” Ragnor started. “Let me see if I have this straight.” He took a deep breath and tried to focus his thoughts. “Your shadowhunter, the Head of the New York Institute, found out hugely damning information about his people, his leadership, and those around him.” He paused and couldn’t help the faint smile when Magnus didn’t correct him on Alec still being his shadowhunter. “He knows that this weapon can cause severe harm to you, his family, and everything he cares about, and doesn’t tell you about it mere hours after finding out - and you break up with him because he didn’t tell you about it?” 

  
“He lied to me!” Magnus snapped, his eyes flashing. “You know how I feel about lying after-” he stopped, pressing his lips together. “You know how I feel about being lied to, about secrets like that being kept from me, Ragnor.” 

  
Ragnor reached out and squeezed Magnus’ arm gently. “I know, my dear friend. I _know._ But there are differences, as you well know, between a lie of omission because you haven’t processed something, and a lie to hide something to hurt someone else.” 

  
Magnus swallowed hard, looking down at the floor between them. “But he _knew,”_ he breathed. “He knows what a danger it is to the Downworld, he’s, we’ve seen it, how dangerous it is for my people, and he didn’t, he didn’t tell me.” 

  
“After what happened, Magnus, do you think that Alec would actively do anything to risk you, or your people?” Ragnor pushed, waiting for Magnus to lift his eyes and look at him again. The agony he could see in Magnus’ eyes was heart-wrenching. “More than any person you have ever loved, Magnus, that boy  _ understands  _ that your people must be your priority right now. He is responsible for too many himself not to understand.” 

  
Magnus took a shaky breath and clenched his eyes shut. “With the Downworld and the Clave on the verge of war, Ragnor-” 

  
“The Clave is not your Alexander,” Ragnor said, his voice low, certain, and cutting. “Your boy has proved that again, and again. You do not change an institution like the Clave without decades, maybe even centuries, of effort, Magnus. You know this. I _know_ you do.” 

  
Magnus was silent, his lips pressed tightly together before he gave a small nod, acknowledging the point. 

  
Ragnor took a deep breath and reached out to take Magnus’ hands in his, giving them a squeeze. “My dear. Think for a moment. Imagine if, say, Oberon stole the Hedron from the Spiral Labyrinth, and you found out a few hours earlier today that it had happened. That someone inside had helped him do it, and he was planning to use it on a rampage against all nephilim-kind.” 

  
Magnus’ eyes widened. 

  
“The Council would swear you to secrecy first, and then you would be tasked with retrieving it. Knowing that no one, outside of approximately one hundred people even know it exists, let alone the power it holds, are you truly telling me that you would break your vow to the Council and run to tell Alec Lightwood?” Ragnor pressed. “Because that is the level of expectation you placed on him.” 

  
Magnus closed his eyes and breathed out slowly.  _ “Fuck.”  _

  
“No matter how much you love him, no matter how much you care for him, and even though you would desperately want to protect his people - you would not do that,” Ragnor continued. “At the very least, not without getting more information, first.” 

  
“Why are you trying so hard to defend him?” Magnus asked, looking up at Ragnor. “I, why…” 

  
Ragnor smiled sadly. “Because sometimes, carotte, you are your own worst enemy.” He watched Magnus flinch and look away. “And because I have never heard, or seen you as happy as you have been these last months with your shadowhunter.” 

  
Magnus swallowed. “Ragnor…” 

  
“Your boy is a planner, Magnus. You’ve told me that yourself.” His lips twisted in a faint smile. “He plans your dinners, your dates, he has plans, contingency plans, and backup plans. Don’t you think, with everything going on, once he had a plan, and had backup plans, he would have told you?” 

  
Magnus closed his eyes, breathing out hard, because… Because facing the reality of that question, the  _ truth  _ of it that resounded in every single syllable, it would mean that he… 

  
Ragnor summoned a portal and pointed to it. _“Go,”_ he ordered. 

  
“I don’t…” Magnus stared at the portal swirling with hints of Ragnor’s magic. “What do I say to him?” 

  
Ragnor smiled and tugged Magnus up and out of his chair. “That you are sorry, that you love him, and that you are scared.” With a shove, he pushed Magnus through the portal, closing it behind him. 

  
Magnus stumbled and did his best not to curse Ragnor as he stared up at the steps of the Institute. He took a deep breath, his chest aching, and ordered himself to be as brave as Alexander always was. The urge to run, hide, avoid confronting his mistakes was pounding at the back of his mind, but the image of what a broken heart looked like on Alec’s face spurred him forward and up the steps. 

  
It was a matter of a minute, speaking to the Head of Security to say he’d forgotten something he needed to bring up with Alec before he was being given a grin and led to Alec’s office. Standing outside the door, he took a deep breath and stepped in, closing the door behind him. Without looking in Alec’s direction, he locked the door and steeled his shoulders, before turning to look at the man behind the desk. 

  
Alec’s eyes were wide and shocked, with a faint hint of red around the edges that told him exactly what he needed to know about Alec’s reaction to his leaving an hour ago. He saw Alec’s jaw tighten, watched as he straightened up, slowly, putting his pen down, shutting the folder of whatever he had been reviewing. Magnus thought about Ragnor’s words and took a deep breath, letting his shoulders sag, dropping his masks around Alexander, before he walked forward without a word and sank into one of the chairs in front of the desk. 

  
“Magnus?” 

  
Alec’s voice was tentative and worried. Magnus could even hear the hint of fear that he had put there and if he hadn’t hated himself for what he had done, he certainly did now. Unraveling this was going to be an even bigger mess than finding out about the Soul Sword, and who knew if Alec would even take him back when it was all over. 

  
But he had to  _ try. _ He owed Alec that, if nothing else. “During the first Uprising, I lost more than a dozen close friends. I helped hundreds, if not thousands of Downworlders flee cities that housed Institutes. Many High Warlocks did the same. Many of them died helping Downworlders flee. It caused a power vacuum in the warlock community that we have still, to this day, not fully recovered from.” He stared at the edge of Alec’s desk. “You’ve seen the two scars across my shoulders. They are from seraph blades. One held by Valentine. Another by your father.” He gave a wry smile, even as Alec made a noise above him. 

  
“To say that I am terrified for my people right now is an understatement, Alexander.” He swallowed. “The Seelie Queen has offered me a deal. To grant my people, to grant  _ warlocks  _ protection in her realm. On the condition that I side with her, against the Clave.” Magnus took a slow breath and stared down at the rings on his fingers. “Now, knowing the Clave no longer has the Soul Sword,  _ knowing  _ the devastation it can wreck, I don’t…” he trailed off, his magic quaking at the idea of finishing that sentence, and what it would mean for whatever could remain of his relationship with the man in front of him. 

  
“You don’t know if you can afford to turn her down,” Alec said, his voice soft. “And I am the only thing standing in the way of you being able to do that.” 

  
If Magnus had thought Alec’s voice sounded resigned before, it was nothing compared to the heartbreak he could  _ hear  _ in every word. “Not the  _ only  _ thing,” he corrected. He swallowed and took a deep breath. 

  
“I have been horribly unfair to you, Alexander,” Magnus started, holding up a hand when Alec started to protest, stopping him. “And much of that unfairness has come from my fear for my people. I’ve seen them devastated, and I would do anything in my power to prevent it from happening again.” A tear, hot as a brand, slid down his cheek, followed by another, then another. He heard Alec stand and forced himself to talk, to keep forcing the words out, because he had to try to make Alec  _ understand _ everything. 

  
“I should,” Magnus paused and tensed when Alec knelt in front of him, focusing on the deflect rune on his neck, clenching his hands in the fabric of his slacks. “I should have trusted you. I _do_ trust you, Alexander. I know you would have told me as soon as you could, or if you thought my people were in danger, or, or…” 

  
“Magnus,” Alec breathed. “Take a deep breath.” 

  
He was a piece of glass, fragile, spun sugar thin, and ready to shatter at the faintest touch. Magnus trembled under the faint touch of Alec’s fingertips against his hands, every part of him aching soul-deep. He managed a breath, his chest barely moving, tears making ugly tracks down his cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, the words feeling too weak, too uncertain, not enough. “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, Alec, I’m so, I’m so sorry.” 

  
“If siding with the Seelie Queen against the Clave is going to keep your people safe, Magnus, then that is what you have to do,” Alec said, his voice calm and certain. “You know that I would never stand in the way of your duty to your people.” 

  
Forgetting himself for an instant, Magnus’ head jolted upright and he stared at Alec, any hint of sorrow gone from his face. Only quiet certainty remained there and he felt the first cracks appear in the fragile glass of his heart. _“Alec,”_ Magnus croaked, his voice hoarse and pained. “I can’t…” he swallowed and shifted his hand just enough so it was on top of Alec’s, his fingertips digging in to keep Alec  _ there,  _ to keep him close. He couldn’t lose Alec, not yet, not now, not when it was the last thing he wanted. 

  
Alec’s lips quirked for a brief moment before he was back to serious. “Magnus. I’m not going to ask you to pick between us. You know I never would.” He took a deep, shaky breath. “I understand. I know, I know I broke your trust.” 

_  
“Alec.” _ Magnus’ voice cracked on the word, and he watched Alec’s eyes fill with pain at the sound. “I can’t lose you,” he whispered, his fingers digging into Alec’s hand hard enough to leave bruises. “I can’t, Alec.” 

  
Alec smiled sadly. “I can’t lose you either, Magnus. I, I don’t…” he swallowed, clearing his throat. “I don’t think I can live without you.” He paused, meeting Magnus’ eyes again. “I certainly don’t want to try.” 

  
Magnus pitched himself forward, throwing his arms around Alec’s shoulders, well aware it was awkward for the both of them, but he held on, his arms as tight around Alec as he could make them. When Alec pulled him closer, making a wounded noise into his shoulder, Magnus clung as tight as he dared. How had he ever thought that he could give this up? 

  
They stayed like that, desperately clinging, until Alec made a faint noise of pain and Magnus pulled back just enough so Alec wasn’t bent over, reaching out to clutch desperately at Alec’s hand, tangling their fingers together. Alec’s eyes were red again, and he could see tear tracks on his cheeks. “Alec,” he whispered. “What, what are we…” he bit down the words and tightened his hold on Alec’s hand. 

  
Alec took a slow, deep breath, and stared at Magnus. “Will you give me a chance to earn your trust back?” 

  
“You already have it,” Magnus promised, but nodded. He watched as Alec shifted, reaching out to his desk to grab his tablet. With a series of swipes, the screen abruptly went red. 

  
“Alec Lightwood,” Alec stated, voice firm. “Unlock code LJMM7284971.” 

  
Magnus blinked, frowning, as the red light abruptly faded with a cheery beep and Alec took a deep breath before clicking on it again, then turning it to him. 

  
“Lightwood-005 Initiative,” Magnus read, staring at the secure file. “Alexander, what is this?” 

  
“Most Clave Law was written in the early 1800s,” Alec said. “That is the Law we follow today. However, there are older Laws. Less well-known. Some lost to time. Some would call them archaic. However, they are still the Law.” 

  
Magnus frowned and flipped open the file on the tablet. Inside was a list of personnel in the Institute. “What is this?” 

  
“These Laws state, quite clearly, that in times of war,” Alec started. “An Institute becomes sovereign in its own territory. This is to ensure the Clave is not fighting a war on multiple fronts. Institute Heads are Generals, in their own right.” He paused. “They answer to no one if war is formally declared - not even the Consul.” 

  
Magnus’ breath caught and he flipped through the file, taking in the extensive notes detailing the fortification of the Institute itself. “Alec, why are you telling me this?” 

  
“There are approximately fourteen hundred individuals that live in the New York Institute,” Alec said, meeting Magnus’ eyes when they flew up to meet his. “This includes Active Duty Shadowhunters and all Support staff.” 

  
Alec swallowed hard and took a shaky breath. “There are nine hundred and twelve individuals listed in that file. They are who I believe would remain here, under my command, in the event that the Clave declares war on the Downworld, while I, and the New York Institute, side with the Downworld against them.” 

  
Magnus froze, staring at the file in front of him. For the first time, his mind registered the number of pages. More than  _ six hundred. _ “How long have you had this?” 

  
Alec smiled faintly again. “Remember how you had to convince me to join you on our first date? I’d spent the previous week compiling that.” 

  
Magnus lifted his eyes back to Alec, his magic roaring in his ears, staring at his shadowhunter, kneeling in front of him, his heart in his eyes. He saw the promise there, he saw his  _ future  _ there, and for the first time, Magnus didn’t let himself be afraid of it. “You’d go to war for us?” he whispered. 

  
“For  _ you,” _ Alec corrected. “I would stand against everything I have been taught, everything I have been brought up to believe is good and right. I would fight until I no longer had breath in my body, to defend you, and those you hold dear, Magnus.” 

  
“I don’t deserve-” 

  
“As you so like to remind me,” Alec interrupted. “You do. You deserve to have your faith rewarded. You deserve to have your people safe, and you and your people deserve to live in a world where we are equals.” Alec reached up to cup Magnus’ face in his palm, wiping gently at the tear trail with his thumb. “And I will never stop fighting for that, Magnus. Not ever. You taught me how important that is, and it’s a lesson I will never forget.” 

  
Magnus launched himself into Alec’s arms, toppling the both of them to the carpet in front of Alec’s desk, holding onto his shadowhunter as tightly as he dared. “I love you,” he breathed, leaning down to kiss Alec, hard and desperate. “I love you, Alexander.” He kissed Alec, again and again, Alec’s hands on his back rubbing gently, trying to soothe his desperation. 

  
Alec looked up at Magnus and smiled. “I love you too,” he whispered. He wrapped his arms around Magnus and held on tight. 

  
Magnus let himself sink into Alec’s arms before he realized they were still in the Institute, and there was somewhere much more comfortable they could be doing this. He pulled back to look at Alec again. “Come home with me?” When Alec’s face melted, wide open and vulnerable, the mix of hope, joy, and fear was enough to have him kissing Alec again, trying to chase away the fear with his lips. 

  
Carefully, they stood up, and Alec finished the last few things he needed to before Magnus was taking his hand again, leaning in against him with a small relieved sigh. Magnus swallowed and sagged when Alec wrapped an arm around his waist, holding onto him for as long as he needed. 

  
With his free hand, Magnus summoned a portal, and let Alec bring him into the loft with a happy sigh. From there, they shuffled their way to the bedroom together, and when they were curled up together under his golden sheets, Magnus nestled in Alec’s arms, he made a promise. 

  
_**“Tomorrow,”**_ he breathed against Alec’s skin. “Tomorrow, we are going to find a way. We’ll figure out the Seelie Queen, and the Clave, and the Soul Sword.” Magnus closed his eyes. “We’ll figure it out  _ together.” _

  
“Together,” Alec agreed, tightening his arms around Magnus. “But for now, Magnus, sleep. I love you.” 

  
Three words he had thought he would never hear again earlier this evening. Magnus pressed even tighter into the circle of Alec’s arms and let himself relax fully. “I love you too,” he whispered. That was enough. It was  _ always  _ enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Criticisms welcome!
> 
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> 
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> 
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